Oh The Humanity! Vulgaria

vulgaris indexThis Hong Kong movie begins with a long warning that claims it has high levels of adult themes and politically incorrect language, and the filmmakers won’t be held responsible if it causes emotional distress or erectile dysfunction. Due to this expectations were raised and boy do they fail to deliver, in this bizarrely poor and idiotic attempt at a sex comedy that doesn’t have any sex in it and just a lot of supposedly offensive dialogue instead.

Using an interview at a university as a framing device we learn of what happens when a dodgy low budget film producer (Chapman To) has a yakuza gangster (Ronald Cheng) as a financier who in an overlong and not nearly as funny as it thinks it is dining sequence sees the gangster try and force the producer to eat a selection of horrible food including a cat and a cow’s vagina, before being so outraged at the producer’s refusal that he pulls out a gun and says he has to make love to the gangster’s girlfriend – the twist being that the gangster’s girlfriend is a donkey.

Here it uses a cheap bit of fourth wall breaking as it pretends the film burned up, as if we were watching this in a cinema prior to the year two thousand, and it becomes a very tedious running gag throughout the movie that the producer can’t remember if he did fuck the donkey or not. It’s a piss poor joke for sure and made even odder when we witness a scene where the gangster is confused that the producer didn’t wear a condom so definitely did screw the animal, but the film then ignores this completely until the very end.

The gangster’s big idea is that he wants to remake an old porn film he liked as a kid using the original actress, but to get her to agree they promise to cgi her face on to the body of someone much younger, and so the producer recruits an actress called “Popping Candy” (Dada Chan) who quickly falls for the producer, but is treated horribly by pretty much everyone involved and why she likes him when he’s such a jerk is one of life’s great mysteries. We also get an insight in to the producer’s personal life and his relationship with his ex-wife and daughter in an attempt to make us care for him, but it fails as he’s such a tedious turd most of the time.

God knows why there is a warning at the start, bar the donkey gag, an ongoing tedious bit about a video game which teaches people how to masturbate, and some mild, irritating sexism and lazy stereotyping there’s nothing even vaguely risqué about the whole thing. None of it is even remotely shocking in the slightest if you’ve ever seen films like American Pie or The Hangover, and only a painfully immature ten year old might find the material vaguely surprising, and the only real shock was how fucking poor this was.

Alex Finch.
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