Oh, The Humanity! Miami Connection

miami connection 1Comedian / actor Paul Scheer is the host of the hit podcast “How Did This Get Made” and lists Miami Connection as one of his favourite bad movies, along with such much loved films as The Room and The Apple, but while I love those films an enormous amount I didn’t have the same response to Miami Connection, it’s definitely a very dodgy movie and a very silly one, but at times its naffness only made me smile rather than laugh.

Jane, Mark, Jim, John and a couple of others make up the band Dragon Sound who like to sing songs about being friends and ninjas, because it was the eighties and that sort of thing wasn’t incredibly odd, supposedly. They’re also Taekwondo experts as well which comes in handy as Jane’s brother Jeff doesn’t believe his sister should be dating someone as shitty as John, possibly as he looks like a young David Schwimmer, and Jeff is part of a gang of cocaine dealing bastards. This means that every so often the band and Jeff and his goons have a bit of a fight, we also occasionally get to see the band perform one of their lyrically hilarious songs, there’s a brief bit of drug dealing, the band members hit the beach and one of them “accidentally” sexually assaults a woman, and very early on Jim has a subplot about wanting to find his father which the film then forgets about until the very end.

Sometimes it feels like a proper movie and the fight scenes are fairly well choreographed, at least when it comes to it looking like some of the punches and kicks connect, but sometimes it’s as if it were just some blokes fucking about with their dads video camera. The scenes with Jeff’s gang are especially amateurish and the dialogue sounds improvised, to the extent that the supporting cast can barely be heard delivering some of it. It’s packed full of astonishingly over the top acting with Jim sobbing about his dead father in a manner which suggests he’s never had an acting class in his life, but it’s probably unfair to single him out as each cast member has their own moment which is hilariously poor. The director’s very fond of slow motion action shots too, even if making the scene slow motion shows how dodgy the action is, and it often seems plain absurd as to why certain parts are slowed down but others aren’t.

The best really bad films normally never let up in their silliness but unfortunately Miami Connection doesn’t join them because every so often it stops being fun and is rather bland instead. There’s a visit to a biker bar which contains some topless nudity which has no reason to exist, some of the times Dragon Sound are sitting around chatting are rather inane, and towards the end Jim goes clothing shopping which really spoils the momentum of the final act.

Still, the majority of the time it is entertaining and while it’s nowhere near as unusual or surreal as The Room and other terrible movies of its ilk it’s certainly worth watching if you like really bad films filled with offbeat dialogue delivered by poor actors and a plot which lurches all over the place, but go in expecting something only quite bad rather than gloriously terrible as that way you’ll hopefully be less disappointed than I was.

Alex Finch.
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